I hope you'll all appease me tonight, as I am choosing to process through some things on my heart as I write. This post won't be from Scripture.
The older that I get, the way that I view life changes. In the past few years, as people that I've cared about have passed away, I've become more and more aware of just how true it is that our lives are mere vapors.
There are many dichotomies in my life right now.
One of my dearest friends gave birth to her first daughter on
Mother's Day...being that her own mother died when she was 13, having her first daughter on Mother's Day redeemed the day for her.
By contrast, another friend whom I love dearly was in the hospital on Mother's Day with her 12 year old daughter, fighting like mad to help make sure she'll be strong enough for her upcoming bone marrow transplant.
One friend ushered in new life, one friend is asking God to preserve life.
More dichotomies...several friends of mine are "moving on up"...they're building bigger homes, getting newer cars, etc.
Other friends are losing their homes, wondering where they'll be living in the coming months.
Many of my friends spent Mother's Day with their moms...at the least, they got to speak to their mothers, and grandmothers.
By contrast, my precious grandmother is with the LORD, and I don't have the freedom to call and speak with my mother today.
So, instead, I am keeping a collection of letters that I write to her from time to time. I have no idea if she'll ever read them, for I don't know if she'll ever be a part of my life here on earth again.
I can't speak to her, yet there are countless days that I fall asleep praying for her...asking God to let her know how much I love her and miss her.
I often wonder when I'll be able to do that without the tears pouring from my eyes, and soaking my pillow through.
I have a precious friend who would give anything in the world to be married to a Godly man.
I have another who is, yet she treats him like he's of no worth to her.
A terribly heartbreaking dichotomy.
Oh, and then of course..there's the dichotomy of fat. Do you know what that is? ;)
That's when you look at the pictures from 15 years ago, and see how great you looked when you thought you were a cow.
And now, you look in the mirror, many pounds heavier, and think,
"Hey, I don't look so bad!"
That's my dichotomy, and it's sticking to me! :)
Thanks for bearing with me tonight.