I remember many years ago, when I was a waitress in a cool little cafe' in Houston and Derek Webb of Caedmon's Call would come in and we'd chat over coffee when my station wasn't busy.
I frequented the Bible study that he, as a part of Caedmon's Call, played for each Monday night at the First Baptist Church of Houston, and loved their music even before they had hit it big.
One of the days when he came in, Derek explained to me in detail about why he'd written the then recent song, "I Just Don't Want Coffee Today."
As I was thinking of a title for tonight's post, his song title came to mind.
So as a tribute to my then friend Derek I will say, I Just Don't Want To Talk Today....
I'll hit the highlights for you though....
I'm sick of MS...sick to death of it
I'm tired of all that it entails
I'm bummed that I was in another city for 2.5 weeks, where the humidity is higher and the elevation lower, and I felt great...but I come home to Phoenix and am tanking by the day....
I want to honor God through all of this, yet often don't feel that I am doing a very good job of that
I need to hear the voice of my Lord...I long for a fresh word from His Word...I miss Him when we haven't had our sweet time together, and it feels way too long since I've had enough of that time with Him
Forgive me if I say, "I Just Don't Want To Talk Today."
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
My First Blog Award - Thanks, Paige!
I received my first blogger award last night from Paige @ Some Days You Gotta Dance.
Thanks Paige, I'm so excited! :)
I am supposed to pass this along to five bloggers who show great attitude or gratitude, and they are to return the favor to five bloggers as well.
Here's the deal though, most of the blogs that I read either have way too many followers to have the time to deal with all of the blog awards they likely receive, or they are very personal...of their family and such, and I am hesitant to share them only for that reason.
So, I've just nominated two blogs, as I feel pretty sure that these two won't mind being promoted. and I love reading them!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Here I Sit......
In the middle of a downpour.
At the farmhouse table in the middle of the kitchen which belongs to the woman who is my Mom, and she is not here with me, to hear the rain go plop-plop-plop atop her tin roof. To sip hot cider with me and listen to my children snore.
I'm so bummed! I'm missing her big time!
Here I sit.
All my family deeply in dreamland, and me very ready to go there as well....
Just wishing I could describe to you how exciting it is to be in the middle of this storm!
And after hearing the coyotes cry and fight and cry some more, two nights in a row, I am exceedingly thankful that I cannot say with the famous actress whose name escapes me,
"The dingo ate my baby!"
If you say that with an Australian accent, having seen the movie, it's quite funny.
I'm hoping you have seen it...otherwise, I'm going to look like an oaf.
OH well, been there before.
Love you all tonight....I'm going to get the best sleep of my life!
A farmhouse in the middle of 40 acres, under a tin roof on a stormy night....nothing better!
Jes
At the farmhouse table in the middle of the kitchen which belongs to the woman who is my Mom, and she is not here with me, to hear the rain go plop-plop-plop atop her tin roof. To sip hot cider with me and listen to my children snore.
I'm so bummed! I'm missing her big time!
Here I sit.
All my family deeply in dreamland, and me very ready to go there as well....
Just wishing I could describe to you how exciting it is to be in the middle of this storm!
And after hearing the coyotes cry and fight and cry some more, two nights in a row, I am exceedingly thankful that I cannot say with the famous actress whose name escapes me,
"The dingo ate my baby!"
If you say that with an Australian accent, having seen the movie, it's quite funny.
I'm hoping you have seen it...otherwise, I'm going to look like an oaf.
OH well, been there before.
Love you all tonight....I'm going to get the best sleep of my life!
A farmhouse in the middle of 40 acres, under a tin roof on a stormy night....nothing better!
Jes
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I Learned That It Bathes My Soul!
We sat tonight, me and my three. We sat as Daddy read the Word over us.
Oh, how I love and cherish those sweet times.
How I am ever amazed how the God of the Universe still speaks through His Word, directly to the hearts of those who seek Him.
Really, through the tears that now are pouring over my eyelashes, I have to ask you, is there anything in the WORLD better than the Lord of Hosts ministering straight to you?!
It's been a crazy week for the Womacks.
Some of it I am at liberty to share with you, some of it I can't.
I'll lead with this...I saw an MS Specialist yesterday, and she was so very good! I'm still processing much of what she told me, but am incredibly thankful to have met with her.
She opened up all of my MRIs and walked us through every lesion. She was clicking through those films like an accountant on an adding machine, lightning fast, and it was so apparent that she knows her stuff.
An image would be on the screen for mere seconds, and she'd have already identified the lesion(s)....
With several of them she said, "Oh yes, this is classic MS."
Ouch.
Don't know that I was ready to hear that. I guess that part of me has still been living in the world of
"Maybe this has all been a big mistake."
Uh, those days are past...and with their passing, I'm finding a new level of mourning.
I don't think I've really mourned this yet.
I think I kept telling myself that there's NO WAY that both I and my best friend from childhood could have the same incurable disease.
That's a bit insane, don't you think?!
I also think that I felt so crummy for so many months on end, that I didn't have much time to think about MS, I was just trying to get through it.
One of you asked recently, "How are you dealing with it in your head, the reality that this could kill you?
That it likely will?"
The truth is, I just can't spend much time on that in my head. I'm scared today...I'm sorting through the emotions of all that yesterday's appointment brought up, but within a day or two, I'll be back in the game.
When I let myself think about the future, it's terrifying. I don't so much think about me, but I do think a lot about the impact that my disease could have on my family, and that about makes me want to jump off a cliff.
See why I don't go there?
I mean, the reality is that this is life.
People get sick.
Life changes.
What am I to do?
I'm a fighter. It's just who I am. I will give myself the grace I need, room to cry some much needed tears, and then I'll start afresh with the reality that every single one of us will die one day.
You know, it's not dying that I'm scared of....it's more the progression that this disease could take that can strike fear in me.
Yet, I know that people live with it for many years...15 and up.
Remember when 15 years seemed like an eternity? It doesn't feel that way to me anymore.
I see the faces of my precious kiddos, and I'm scared.
I hug my darling, and the hugs never seem long enough.
I don't care too much about anything but them right now...as it should be.
OK, so I take that back...I care deeply for my precious friends...oh how I love my amazing friends!
What I should have said was, "I think my days of leading classes, setting up trainings, volunteering left and right....those days are over for me..."
I love being an armchair quarterback, though. I have deeply enjoyed being available for my friends who have stepped into leading Precept classes.
Each time that one of them comes over to sit in one of my cushy red armchairs, and allows me the privilege of listening to them reason through a question they have regarding leading, and then makes me feel like someone of great brilliance just because I might say, "Have you considered ___________?"... all the while giving me the unspeakable joy of hearing them say, "I did think about that, I just wasn't sure....but now that you ask, I know how to handle this!"
AH...and then they S-O-A-R!
I love it, ya'll. I just love that more than I can explain!
It's such a moment of pure bliss to see a leader grab their God given confidence in Him, and in how He is leading them, and then run out in obedience!
Ah, better than fudge, it is!
I dare say, better than PEANUT BUTTER fudge!
Those who know me well, know there is little in life that is better to me than peanut butter fudge. :)
A few questions for you. I do hope you'll comment...
How did we go from my being bathed in the Word by my precious husband, to my unnatural love for something that is going to make my butt expand?!
Rapidly.
I'm just asking....
How did we go from my crippling crazy fear of this crazy crippling disease to my pure joy over seeing my friends step out as Precept leaders?
How is it that I'm up at 3am writing this post?!
This is nuts.
Can you tell it's leg shot day?
I dread leg shot day...the legs hurt the worst. So, those nights I write blog posts instead of taking my shot on time.
I wonder if it would help if I drank that bottle of wine with a straw?
I'm kidding!
That's redneck.
Love ya'll tonight!
Jes
Oh, how I love and cherish those sweet times.
How I am ever amazed how the God of the Universe still speaks through His Word, directly to the hearts of those who seek Him.
Really, through the tears that now are pouring over my eyelashes, I have to ask you, is there anything in the WORLD better than the Lord of Hosts ministering straight to you?!
It's been a crazy week for the Womacks.
Some of it I am at liberty to share with you, some of it I can't.
I'll lead with this...I saw an MS Specialist yesterday, and she was so very good! I'm still processing much of what she told me, but am incredibly thankful to have met with her.
She opened up all of my MRIs and walked us through every lesion. She was clicking through those films like an accountant on an adding machine, lightning fast, and it was so apparent that she knows her stuff.
An image would be on the screen for mere seconds, and she'd have already identified the lesion(s)....
With several of them she said, "Oh yes, this is classic MS."
Ouch.
Don't know that I was ready to hear that. I guess that part of me has still been living in the world of
"Maybe this has all been a big mistake."
Uh, those days are past...and with their passing, I'm finding a new level of mourning.
I don't think I've really mourned this yet.
I think I kept telling myself that there's NO WAY that both I and my best friend from childhood could have the same incurable disease.
That's a bit insane, don't you think?!
I also think that I felt so crummy for so many months on end, that I didn't have much time to think about MS, I was just trying to get through it.
One of you asked recently, "How are you dealing with it in your head, the reality that this could kill you?
That it likely will?"
The truth is, I just can't spend much time on that in my head. I'm scared today...I'm sorting through the emotions of all that yesterday's appointment brought up, but within a day or two, I'll be back in the game.
When I let myself think about the future, it's terrifying. I don't so much think about me, but I do think a lot about the impact that my disease could have on my family, and that about makes me want to jump off a cliff.
See why I don't go there?
I mean, the reality is that this is life.
People get sick.
Life changes.
What am I to do?
I'm a fighter. It's just who I am. I will give myself the grace I need, room to cry some much needed tears, and then I'll start afresh with the reality that every single one of us will die one day.
You know, it's not dying that I'm scared of....it's more the progression that this disease could take that can strike fear in me.
Yet, I know that people live with it for many years...15 and up.
Remember when 15 years seemed like an eternity? It doesn't feel that way to me anymore.
I see the faces of my precious kiddos, and I'm scared.
I hug my darling, and the hugs never seem long enough.
I don't care too much about anything but them right now...as it should be.
OK, so I take that back...I care deeply for my precious friends...oh how I love my amazing friends!
What I should have said was, "I think my days of leading classes, setting up trainings, volunteering left and right....those days are over for me..."
I love being an armchair quarterback, though. I have deeply enjoyed being available for my friends who have stepped into leading Precept classes.
Each time that one of them comes over to sit in one of my cushy red armchairs, and allows me the privilege of listening to them reason through a question they have regarding leading, and then makes me feel like someone of great brilliance just because I might say, "Have you considered ___________?"... all the while giving me the unspeakable joy of hearing them say, "I did think about that, I just wasn't sure....but now that you ask, I know how to handle this!"
AH...and then they S-O-A-R!
I love it, ya'll. I just love that more than I can explain!
It's such a moment of pure bliss to see a leader grab their God given confidence in Him, and in how He is leading them, and then run out in obedience!
Ah, better than fudge, it is!
I dare say, better than PEANUT BUTTER fudge!
Those who know me well, know there is little in life that is better to me than peanut butter fudge. :)
A few questions for you. I do hope you'll comment...
How did we go from my being bathed in the Word by my precious husband, to my unnatural love for something that is going to make my butt expand?!
Rapidly.
I'm just asking....
How did we go from my crippling crazy fear of this crazy crippling disease to my pure joy over seeing my friends step out as Precept leaders?
How is it that I'm up at 3am writing this post?!
This is nuts.
Can you tell it's leg shot day?
I dread leg shot day...the legs hurt the worst. So, those nights I write blog posts instead of taking my shot on time.
I wonder if it would help if I drank that bottle of wine with a straw?
I'm kidding!
That's redneck.
Love ya'll tonight!
Jes
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire!
Remember this post?
Yep, that's the one...the one that was sure to have you clicking back to my blog over and over again, to see if you'd won one of the Auntie Anne's pretzels?
The pretzels that I assured you would be given away on Friday of I don't even remember which week?!
I'm not sure I even know what day it is, truth be told.
Well, I've got good news and bad news...which do you want first?
OK, fine...we'll go with the bad first so we can wrap with the good. :)
Bad news....my kids have been sicker than dogs. 103+ fevers, and many a yick that I won't detail for you, so as to help you enjoy your breakfast.
I know there are moms out there who just blog right through all of that kind of stuff....and quite eloquently. Jennifer is an example of that. How she does it, I simply don't know. But, does it she does...amazingly.
She's my blogging hero!
Just a side note, Jennifer's son Stellan just made it through a very difficult surgery, and God has answered our many prayers by not only sparing his life, but by healing his little body! You gotta go check out her blog!
Praising God with you and your sweet family, Jennifer! I hope you all just get to snuggle in and enjoy every stress free moment you can over this Thanksgiving and Praise Day....(Did you know that was the official title of Thanksgiving? Abraham Lincoln named it that! Perfect for all of us, but especially for Jennifer's family this year!)
OK....now for the GOOD NEWS!
We finally have two Auntie Anne's Pretzel winners!
Yay!
Yippie!
Horray!
High Fives all around!
Are you thinking, "Enough Already! TELL ME IF I WON?!"
Well, I gotta start by saying that Janan is requiring me to tell you that SHE won both of the pretzels, by the popular vote. But, since there's not an Auntie Anne's anywhere by her, she's giving them back for a regeneration of the winning numbers.
Yet, I gotta end by telling you, we don't work by the popular vote in this highly democratic society of ours. :)
Janan knows that!
:)
But you know what's crazy? She really DID win the first go 'round!
Ha! Go figure!
Yet, I reselected, and we have new winners!
So......drum roll please......
Here are our winners!
Chandy - whose blog, and heart are precious! You gotta check it out....blogschmog...check out her children, they are the precious ones! :)
and
Shauna - one of my favorite blogs ever on faith and the Word of God! Love you, girl!
Congratulations you two!
Oh, and just a little aside...thanks to Laura for showing up on my doorstep with 3 Auntie Anne's pretzels when we were so sick...they were great, but the time together with you, my precious friend, was the best!
Hmmm...just wondering, if I write a post subtly suggesting my love of convertible BMWs, any chance that one of you will show up with a cherry red one for me?
;)
Love ya'll today,
Jes
Yep, that's the one...the one that was sure to have you clicking back to my blog over and over again, to see if you'd won one of the Auntie Anne's pretzels?
The pretzels that I assured you would be given away on Friday of I don't even remember which week?!
I'm not sure I even know what day it is, truth be told.
Well, I've got good news and bad news...which do you want first?
OK, fine...we'll go with the bad first so we can wrap with the good. :)
Bad news....my kids have been sicker than dogs. 103+ fevers, and many a yick that I won't detail for you, so as to help you enjoy your breakfast.
I know there are moms out there who just blog right through all of that kind of stuff....and quite eloquently. Jennifer is an example of that. How she does it, I simply don't know. But, does it she does...amazingly.
She's my blogging hero!
Just a side note, Jennifer's son Stellan just made it through a very difficult surgery, and God has answered our many prayers by not only sparing his life, but by healing his little body! You gotta go check out her blog!
Praising God with you and your sweet family, Jennifer! I hope you all just get to snuggle in and enjoy every stress free moment you can over this Thanksgiving and Praise Day....(Did you know that was the official title of Thanksgiving? Abraham Lincoln named it that! Perfect for all of us, but especially for Jennifer's family this year!)
OK....now for the GOOD NEWS!
We finally have two Auntie Anne's Pretzel winners!
Yay!
Yippie!
Horray!
High Fives all around!
Are you thinking, "Enough Already! TELL ME IF I WON?!"
Well, I gotta start by saying that Janan is requiring me to tell you that SHE won both of the pretzels, by the popular vote. But, since there's not an Auntie Anne's anywhere by her, she's giving them back for a regeneration of the winning numbers.
Yet, I gotta end by telling you, we don't work by the popular vote in this highly democratic society of ours. :)
Janan knows that!
:)
But you know what's crazy? She really DID win the first go 'round!
Ha! Go figure!
Yet, I reselected, and we have new winners!
So......drum roll please......
Here are our winners!
Chandy - whose blog, and heart are precious! You gotta check it out....blogschmog...check out her children, they are the precious ones! :)
and
Shauna - one of my favorite blogs ever on faith and the Word of God! Love you, girl!
Congratulations you two!
Oh, and just a little aside...thanks to Laura for showing up on my doorstep with 3 Auntie Anne's pretzels when we were so sick...they were great, but the time together with you, my precious friend, was the best!
Hmmm...just wondering, if I write a post subtly suggesting my love of convertible BMWs, any chance that one of you will show up with a cherry red one for me?
;)
Love ya'll today,
Jes
Monday, November 09, 2009
How To Answer, "How Are You?" When You're Really Not So Great...
This is a note from my precious friend Janan, referring to a conversation we had last night.
It's so perfect!
I hope you'll take the time to read what she has to share.
I love you so, Janan!
I woke up this morning contemplating our big question we talked about last night - how do we answer people when we just don't feel good and they keep asking, etc.
As I thought and thought, I kept remembering how for me, complaining can become habitual. And when I don't feel good, I want to complain to someone. It's the only way to make my loved ones understand that I don't feel good - help me - I'm sick, etc. And I know that complaining like that is a sin.
Then I started thinking about being honest in telling someone how things are really going, and my mind went to Job. (Yesterday at church we sang Blessed be the Name of the Lord - He gives and takes away - so Job was on my mind - I am particularly sensitive to that song because several years ago, it was sang by the congregation at a Catholic funeral service I went to for a 7-year old boy who died.) So I thought about Job and how through it all, he didn't sin. And how his friends gathered around him - and he could have really gotten into some complaining/gab sessions with them, but he didn't. In the end, Job said, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away - blessed be the name of the Lord.
And I thought about Satan before God wanting permission to wreak havoc on this earth and God saying, Have you considered my servant Jesica? The thought went through my mind that if you have MS, it is because God has entrusted it to you. That through it all, even when you don't understand it, you can be assured God does.
And just now as I am remembering this, I want to share with you my memory verse from a few weeks ago - it has been a tremendous help to me and I hope it can be of help to you too. I have mine written on a spiral index card and I sit it up at my kitchen sink for a reminder. Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inhritance." Psalm 16:5-6 NIV
I guess the bottom line is when we are being honest about our grief and pain, we must not sin. And we must continue to praise God, because we know all of his judgements are right. Hope these words can motivate you somehow.
Oh, one more thing. I talked last night about "going to bed" - I don't mean that going to bed always has to mean going to sleep - I mean that more in the way of "escaping" - getting out of the mainstream of things. "I'm going to bed" can mean I'm going to meditate, I'm going to study, I'm going to watch TV, I'm going to knit - but it is happening in my bed.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
OH MY GOODNESS! I'm Famous!
As of today, I'm famous!
I'm so excited!
Here's why I'm famous.
I got so excited about my Auntie Anne's giveaway from a few days ago, that I sent this email to them in hope that they'd be excited too...
Oh my GOODNES, I love your pretzels!
I just wanted to share with you that I am doing a giveaway on my blog for one of your pretzels, and then the thought occurred to me to share this with you, in case you'd like to donate any more to be given away.
My blog averages about 100 people a day...not enough to break any records anytime soon, but some days it goes close to 200. Will that break any? :)
All that to say, I always post to Facebook when I've written a new post, which I'm about to do, so that adds about 250 more people as far as exposure goes.
I love your product and the service I get, and I just wanted to say "thank you".
Have a super day!
Jesica
This is the reply that I received...the response that makes me famous! I mean, it may not be from Auntie Anne herself, but I'm just pretending that it's from her daughter or a neice. :)
Good Morning Jesica,
Thank you for contacting Auntie Anne's and we love hearing from customers that love our pretzels and we appreciate you blogging about us on Facebook. Please look forward to receiving a $5.00 gift card that you can use as a giveaway on your blog. Also, I will be forwarding your request to the franchisee that owns Outlets at Anthem in Arizona to see if she might be interested in connecting with you. Again, thank you for contacting us and make your day a Pretzel Perfect Day!
Barbara
Whoo-hoo! One more pretzel to give away! Have you yet commented on the "Call Me a Pretzel" post?
If not, you only have until tomorrow to be registered!
Get on it, you! :)
Mmmmm....preztels. Me love pretzels.
Mmmm....(say this like Cookie Monster, and then it'll be funny.)
Love ya'll...surely you know that, I'm giving you pretzels!
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