Thursday, October 09, 2014

How To Discern The Difference Between Conviction and Condemnation

This is a topic that has been on my mind for many years now. 
I've searched the Word, sought Godly counsel, and spent hours in prayer.

I am compelled to share with you what I've learned, as I know that I'm not the only one who has struggled in this area.

My deepest heart desire is to honor Jesus in what I say and do, yet I'll be the first to tell you that I fail daily. 

I cling to the hope that I have in 1 John 1:9 that says, 
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself the WHY behind that verse? WHY does God continue to forgive us and cleanse us when we choose to walk in unrighteousness (sin)?

To answer that question, there are a few things we need to consider...

1. Confess in the Greek means to agree with God. 
To me, practically speaking, that means when I confess my sin to my Father I tell Him, 

"LORD, Your word says that you hate the perverted mouth, yet I just said a curse word.
You HATE that, and You sent Jesus to pay the price for the very sin that I just committed. 
I am sorry, LORD. I want to hate this sin the way that you do. Please forgive me, LORD."

TRUE confession means that we call sin what God calls it. We don't sugarcoat it when we sin. We go to our Father with a broken and contrite heart and seek His forgiveness.

2. IF - that IF is so important. 
IF we confess our sin, He has a promise for us to claim when we do. He is FAITHFUL. God NEVER breaks His promises. NEVER!

3. He is RIGHTEOUS. Think about that for minute. 

God is the only completely righteous judge. 
When He forgives us our sins and cleans us from ALL unrighteousness, He does so based upon the completed work that HIS SON did for us through His death, burial, and resurrection. When the Father looks at us through our covenant with Him that is in Jesus, He HAS to forgive us our sin because once we've confessed, what He sees in us is the righteousness of Jesus!

4. We are then cleansed from ALL unrighteousness. Everything! 

I was talking with one of my family members recently and they were saying, "But this is all my fault because of the sin I committed."
That "sin" they were referencing was long ago confessed and forgiven. 
I looked at them and said, "I don't know what you're talking about."
They said, "The sin. The wrong things I did."
Again I said, "I don't know what you're talking about."
Once more they said, "The bad things I did. You know..."
I told them, "God says that your sins are forgiven. It's not my job to keep a running tab on them."

Oh, what a precious look came over my sweet family member. What relief flooded their face!

I want to encourage you with something, Reader.

  • If you are in daily fellowship with God...
  • If you are a woman in Biblical submission to your husband...
  • If you have Godly Titus 2 women whom you are transparent with about your life and whom you ask to help you see any blind spots that may be areas of sin for you...
  • And if you are keeping short account of your sins, confessing as soon as the Holy Spirit convicts you of them, PLEASE...please hear my heart on what I'm about to say...

If you are living like what I've described above and people have set themselves up as your judge, telling you that you're in sin when you can't see Biblically that you are, nor can your husband or Godly counselors, I encourage you to let those situations rest in the hands of  Jesus.

If you have sought a one-on-one time to speak with those who are accusing you, and they refuse to meet with you, or they set stipulations upon your meeting that are not in accordance with God's Word, you are free.

What might that seeking look like?
Scripture tells us to GO TO one another. To talk WITH one another. When someone instead decides to try and convict you in the court of Facebook Messenger, email, or some other form apart from talking with you in love, I believe you are released.

Released to what?

To pray for them. To pray diligently for them. To pray for God to bring reconciliation in His timing, but until then, to move on in what He has called you to in your walk with Him.

What if the one who is accusing you is bound up in legalism, or in false teaching?

I believe that there is a definite time to divorce yourself from such a situation. Paul admonished the Galatians for being so easily bewitched by those who were trying to take them back under the Law. 

He also wrote several times and called false brethren or false teachers out by name, warning the Body of Christ not to associate with such people.

There's a vast difference between gossip and calling a false teacher just that. Paul gives us examples of both in his letters to the churches.

What if they tell you they have a "word from the Lord" for you?
Well, my knee jerk reaction is to tell you to run for the hills, quite honestly... unless that word comes straight from the Word and they come to you in a spirit of humility with their Bible open, and their hearts and attitude controlled by the love of Christ.

If you are a new creation in Christ, you have the Spirit of God dwelling within you. And if you're living a life like I described above, you can be assured that He is faithful to convict His children when He sees a reason to.

A wise counselor would approach you in humility with an "I may be seeing this incorrectly, but could we please talk about a few things?" kind of attitude. 

A false teacher, or a friend who isn't operating under the power of the Holy Spirit comes with guns ablazing because they see themselves as servants of God sent to set you right!

How do we tell the difference between conviction and condemnation?

Ask yourself this...

What does Jesus do in your heart when you've sinned?

I can tell you what He does in mine. He makes it crystal clear! 
He doesn't tell me what a piece of junk I am. 
He doesn't call me names. 
He doesn't berate me.

He tenderly, but firmly if needed, reminds me of my unconfessed sin and calls me to repentance. 

I once had to call a national company and ask someone in customer service to forgive me for something I had done. She wasn't the person I had originally talked with, but I knew that I HAD to call and ask for forgiveness.

The sweet voice on the other end said, "Oh, it's ok Mrs. Womack."

I replied, "Thank you, but it's not ok. 
I'm a Christian and what I did was sin. It's so not ok. 
It's what my Savior came and died for, to pay for that sin. 
I know I'm asking you to speak on behalf of your whole company, but would you please forgive me? 
Is there anyone else that I need to ask forgiveness of? 
I'm so very sorry."

And yes, I wept through the call.

So what does condemnation look like?

Someone else trying to force their agenda on you.

"You will act as I WANT you to act, and you'll do it on MY TIMELINE, or I will slander your character to anyone who will listen. I'll also hound you and hound you like a playground bully until you do what I think you should do."

"I will write every single grievance I have against you into an email or a letter and send it to you, even after you've graciously asked me to talk with you on the phone, or to come over and have a cup of tea with you to talk things out."

"I will tell you every ugly thing I think about you in a short novel because you didn't act the way I think you should have."

"I will believe the worst in you instead of being big enough to return your phone calls and discuss the issue with you like an adult."

This is condemnation, and it DOES NOT come from Christ! 

Where is the love of God in any of the above?

Some years ago I was walking through a situation with someone whom I now believe with all of my heart to be a false brethren...after hours and hours in the Word, on the phone with Godly counsel, and on my face, that conclusion became very clear.

I'd never before encountered such calculating evil in my life! 
Scary, manipulative evil.

Because this was such a new experience for me, I didn't know what had gone so wrong. I spent HOURS crying out to the Lord asking Him to show me my sin. 

I begged Him by claiming 2 Timothy 3:16-17 to Him over and over. I'd say, "Lord, you tell me your Word is breathed by You and is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness. Lord, PLEASE...reprove and correct me! PLEASE show me where I'm wrong in this!"

I have lost count of the number of times that I cried that prayer out to Him, and nothing ever came. He never once revealed that I had sinned in the situation.

Instead, He provided a first hand witness that to this day says she will tell the entire story of what happened if ever the Lord leads us to take it to this person's authority.

And, He gave me Exodus 14:14 to cling to for two years... 
"The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent."

And for two years I did, except for with a very few people so close to the situation that there was reason to discuss it.

There were so many times that I could have set the record straight with one phone call, with one Facebook post, etc.

But I kept silent.

Then one day the Lord laid it heavily on my heart to speak about it. So many people were being hurt, lied to, and manipulated that He made it clear it was time to say something.

I did so without using a name.

OH the backlash that came from that! 

YET also....the freedom that it gave countless confused saints! 
I've lost count of the number of people who reached out to me thanking me for sharing as I did. 

As the backlash hit, I again went to my Titus 2 women to ask if I'd done something wrong. I went to the Lord in prayer and seeking Him through His Word.

The condemnation quickly came, and it was vicious! 

I'll never forget that night.

He laid Ecclesiastes on my heart. A book I had never studied in full.

This is where He sent Ecclesiastes 3:7, and I was dumbstruck as I read the words on the page...

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.

He is not a God of accidental phrasing!

There is a REASON that "be silent" comes before "speak."

Wow, even now as I read back through this entire passage, it speaks to relational situations of strife.

Who knew there was a time to embrace and a time to shun embracing?!

But doesn't that make sense?

The application of that one verse alone is wide. 

When the person or people in your life who are attacking you fall into any of the below categories, perhaps a time to shun embracing is in order until God restores your relationship, should He choose to.

1. They don't take responsibility for their own actions, but are quick to blame you.

2. They are always in some sort of drama.

3. You've never heard them say they could be wrong, nor heard them apologize for anything.

4. They judge you, or take offense at things you do that had nothing to do with them. And they do so without ever asking your intent. 
In essence, they are fabulous story writers!

5. They "prophesy" over you, yet won't come to you in humility (and fear and trembling at the fact that they're supposedly speaking for God!) as God the Father sent His prophets of old.

6. They quote Scripture at you that is completely out of context.

7. They air all of their previous grievances with other people to anyone who will listen. They are gossips.

8. They hide behind email, letters, or Facebook. 

9. They LOVE being looked up to, and will do just about anything to elevate themselves.

10. They're constantly judging their Pastor, or a respected ministry, or other Believers...yet they'll never go and speak to those particular people face to face.

Yep, I think these are calls for a Biblical time to shun embracing.

Yet, never shun praying. 
Praying casts your cares upon Jesus.
Praying sets you free. 

And one last thing I've learned...sometimes Jesus allows these times in our lives to draw us deeper into relationship with Him.

That's been my experience. 

I can truly tell you that all I want, after all I've been through, is Him.

My family is RICH icing on the cake of my relationship with Jesus.
My friends who are true are blessings I don't deserve, but whom I deeply cherish.

Trials complicate our lives in many ways, but they also simplify them.

They clear away the fluff very quickly and force us to find that which we will cling to. 

For me, it's Jesus Christ and it always will be.

Look to Jesus. 
Just trust Him to walk you through the pain, because He will. 

And He will deal with those who are falsely accusing you. You don't need to defend yourself.

He is the righteous Judge, and He will fight for you while you keep silent.

I pray that you are encouraged, and set free in Christ to lay aside anything which is taking your eyes off of Him and the purpose He has for your life, to His glory.

If that's know what to do. 
1 John 1:9 it.
Do it now, don't wait another second!

If that's condemnation...cast it to Jesus, and trust Him with the situation. He will guide you as you seek Him in prayer, His Word, and Godly counsel.

In His Love,

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Why Robin Williams' Death Hurts So Much

My heart hurts.

Bear with me as I try to get through writing what's in there.

I never met Robin Williams, never had the pleasure of working with him, never even saw him anywhere but on a movie screen.

Yet his life mattered to me.

He had the great privilege of going to the school I so wanted to attend and had been invited to audition for, The Julliard School. Thus, I followed his work closely for many years.

Anytime someone would ask me who I thought the best actors alive were, he was always at the very top of my list. He always will be.

Watching him in film taught me so much as an actress. 

His timing was impeccable.                 
His improvisational skills unbelievable. 
His ability to read an audience, uncanny.

Even after I became a Christian in 1999 and my taste in movie content and comedy changed, I was always excited when I learned of a movie he'd be starring in that I felt I could watch without compromising what I now wanted to have filling my mind.

But here's the part that has made me so sad about his death.

I personally understand his despair all too well.

I know what it is to just want out, to feel like no one would care if I were gone, to truly believe somewhere deep in my heart that death by my own hands would mean freedom.

Shortly after my husband and I were married, I found a journal that I had kept from the time I was 14-29 and had written in once or twice each year. At the time that I found it, I was a brand new Christian. That information matters for the context of the rest of what I'm going to share.

After finding the journal I asked my husband if I could read to him from it...thinking this discovery was going to be some fun and silly way to share who I had been as a young teenager and younger woman.

As I started reading it to him, I was absolutely dumbfounded as page after page I found that everything written in it was about suicide. 


Every. Single. Post.

Over FIFTEEN years!

But there I sat,  reading this journal with new a new creation in Christ Jesus, and for the first time ever I could see and understand the total bondage that I had been in for decades.

Please don't read more into what I'm saying here than what I've written.

I don't know what was in Robin's heart and mind. I don't know what his state was before the Lord, and I won't even entertain comments about that.

All I'm saying is that I personally understand the total despair that someone feels and believes when they buy the lie that their life has no value. 

And the thought that someone whose genius I so respect, someone I had come to care about over years of learning from him in the acting arena...the thought that Robin Williams hurt as deeply as I had, and felt as hopeless as I once did, truly crushes my heart.

Suicide was my plan out of the very painful life that I lived for many years. Years of more messed up, sick stuff than I have the time or energy to share with you. 

While I never attempted it, I KNEW what my plan was...and in my mind it was foolproof.

That night as I read my journal to my new husband, my journal so full of such deep heartache , I suddenly got up, went into our garage, and lit every single page of it on fire.

I have had 8 friends take their lives. 


One was a woman in her 60s who had been a Christian mentor to my mother.
One was my college boyfriend.
One was the first person to befriend me at my new High School when I was a Senior.
One was his best friend, and a friend of mine. Such a neat guy!
One was a very dear friend of mine who was like a brother to me in my late 20s. I wrote about him previously here.

It never gets easier to handle the pain of losing someone to suicide. 
The questions that swirl in our minds. 
The range of emotions from rage to total brokenness.
The desperate wishing that we had known just how dark their world was, and how much we wish they'd have reached out to us, or that we'd have known to reach in.

No doubt there are countless people in Robin's life who are walking through the above feelings right now.

Won't you please pray for them? 

Pray earnestly. Pray on your face. Pray with compassion.

Losing someone to suicide is one of the most helpless feelings in the world.

I dare say, as helpless and hopeless as the person who made the decision to commit it likely felt.

If you have come to this page because you're battling thoughts of suicide, please...hear my heart.

That is not God's plan for you! You were created to give glory to His name, and to have fellowship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ.

Jesus broke those bonds in my life, and He wants so much to do the same for you.

Satan wants you to believe that no one would care. 
That no one would likely even show up for your funeral. 
That your family and friends would be better off without you. 
That you don't even have family and friends that would miss you.

Every single one of those is a lie from the pit of hell.

Robin Williams was a total stranger to me, as are his friends and his family members.         Yet, even as I write this tears are streaming from my eyes.

His life mattered! 

To them. 
To God. 
Even to me...a complete stranger.

My guess is that it mattered to you, too.

Please, I beg of you from the bottom of my heart. If you're contemplating taking your life, reach out to someone right now.

I think of the horror stories of the loved ones of my friends who committed suicide...from the father who found his son two weeks afterward on Father's Day, to the brother who got a random phone call from some man on an Indian reservation in the middle of nowhere explaining that he'd found my friend Paul in his truck after a week of being there.

I think of my own precious brother who came home from college one weekend and took me on a bike ride and poured his heart out to me because my mother had found my precious brother who saved my life that night through his tears.

I didn't know how to reach out, but he knew how to reach in.

And his tears touched my heart enough to let me know that someone would care if I were gone.

Dear reader, please don't pass judgement on that which you don't understand. 

Instead..PRAY for the Williams family and their countless friends.

Reach in to the one you know needs someone to care about them.
Reach out, even if it means calling an anonymous suicide hotline.

Look up. Jesus cares more than you can ever imagine, and He desires that you be set free.

In His Love,

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Your Husband's Porn Addiction Likely Started Way Before You Met Him - Finding Compassion


Are you a parent? 
Any chance you have a son?

I want you to imagine with me for a minute that your son is exposed to pornography at the ripe age of 7. 
Perhaps 11.
Maybe he's lucky and doesn't see it until he's 14.

Would ANY of those ages be acceptable to you as a mom?

If you can answer yes to that question, there's no way you'll agree with the rest of this post, but I hope and pray you'll keep reading it anyway.

Every letter is written to a specific audience, and this post is written to Christian women, so please read it in that context.

Some research shows that 99% of men will have been exposed to pornography at some point in their lives. I find that hard to believe. I think it's more like 100%.

My son was first exposed in a thrift store/swap shop in the town in which I live. We were just strolling through looking for home furnishings and there on the wall was a photo of a woman from the 40s, laying completely naked at his eye level.

Some men see pornography a time or two in their lives and it never grabs control of them.

In my experience of counselling women, these men are in the minority.

So why am I writing about this? 

The past two weeks have been intense weeks of ministry for me. I've been confronted afresh on several levels by the ramifications of sexual sin and how it affects women and families.

I have wept with these ladies, prayed with them, pointed them to the Word of God, exhorted them to stand in the gap for their husbands, and hurt with them over their heartache and the betrayal that they feel.

Please hear my heart...I will never condone something that God says is sin. I simply want to help you hurting wives process through this heinous battle against sexual sin that your husband may be fighting.

I know one woman whose husband was first exposed when he was in the second his brother, who purposefully showed it to him and then said, "Now that you've seen it, you can't tell anyone."

I know another whose husband went to visit his grandparents on his mother's side shortly after his parents were divorced, and while there found two ARMOIRES full of pornographic magazines.

He was just entering puberty at the time, his father had previous issues with pornography which in part broke his mother to the point of leaving, and there he sat without a mother to care for him or a father to set a Godly example of following Christ in sexual purity.

And guess who welcomed him into her bosom for false comfort?

The woman on the glossy pages.

What I want you to KNOW, hurting wife, is that your husband's pornography issues most likely started way before you met him. 
(I know people call it addiction, and perhaps it is, but one can be addicted to any sin.)

If you step back from your pain for a minute and picture him as a little boy, or a teenager - and realize THAT was the moment when Satan barraged him with missles from Hell, does that help you find compassion for him and a willingness to stand in the gap for him and help him heal?

Let me give you a more personal expamle of finding compassion and walking in it when one didn't really have to.

Many years ago my husband came home from work and we were having our fifteen minute debrief together while he was changing out of his work clothes. When it came time to take his belt off, he unbuckled it and lifted his arm high in the air to pull it quickly out of his pant loops.

INSTANTANEOUSLY I broke down weeping.

Seeing that belt lifted high in the air when he was standing up and I was sitting down at a much lower level, brought back memories from my childhood that were deeply rooted in my soul. 

To this day, my precious husband only removes his belt in a sideways manner. It takes him much longer to get it off, but he found COMPASSION for me. Based upon things that happened to me in my childhood, there are other more intimate considerations that my sweetheart makes for me...and every one of them requires a sacrifice on his part.

What about you, wife?

Are you willing to sacrifice and put on a heart of compassion in order to be used of God to help your husband heal?

I have another question for you to consider...

Were you ever exposed to pornography prior to your marriage?

I know I was. Growing up in the piney woods of Texas, those woods were my place of refuge. I would spend HOURS playing by myself. The first exposure I remember was in a fort that I had built that some older boys had obviously found one night. The beer cans and the magazines were my evidence.

That didn't become a stronghold for me that stayed with me into adulthood, but young men are wired differently. As we know, they are generally visually stimulated more than women are.

This is one reason that we mothers of young girls need to be DISCERNING in what we allow them to wear.

Do you REALLY want some teenager, or some MAN, looking at your daughter like 68% of men in church look at the women on the pages of their pornographic magazines and websites?

Do you not realize that men have visual triggers? 

I know your daughter looks beautiful in her string bikini...but WHY, OH WHY are you teaching her that parading her body around at the swimming pool is the way to find her value?!

Do you not realize that's what you're telling her when you allow that?!

I've witnessed Christian young men at public swimming pools DESPERATELY looking for a safe place to let their eyes land. 

Christian Mommas, I implore you...WAKE UP!!!!!!!!

My son and I have an agreement. When we go to the community pool, if we get there and he feels that the visual struggle is too strong for him to be able to keep his thought life pure, all he has to say to me is "Mom, we need to go."

That's it, and we're gone. I don't care if it's taken me an hour to get out the door. 

I am willing to sacrifice all I need to in order to give my son the greatest opportunity for spiritual purity.

As moms and as wives, we need to be a harbor in the storm for our sons and husbands. We need to create an atmosphere of openness in our homes, so that they can be honest with us about how we can help to protect their hearts.

If you're aware that your husband is fighting a battle with pornography, I BEG you to be a safe place for him to be transparent. You may not want to know every single detail, so use wisdom in the questions that you ask him.

However, you cannot heal if you will not DEAL.

Your man can't heal if you refuse to DEAL.

Sweeping the sin of pornography under the rug and acting like it hasn't invaded your home would be as foolish as doing the same with alcoholism, crack addiction, or tax evasion.

Your marriage will have no hope of healing if you choose to ignore the sin.

There are some friends that stick closer than a brother when it comes to pornography, especially with the Christian man...they are:

Emascuation - Satan's lie is that looking at this garbage is going to make them more manly. It does JUST the opposite. 

Lying - This one needs no explanation. Just know this...getting to the root of sexual sin is like peeling an onion. There's almost ALWAYS more to the story than what you're told at first.
I have lost count of the number of women who have told me that their husbands confessed to them that they'd kissed another woman. I'm sure there are times when that's the truth...but sadly, they haven't been the majority in my experience of working with hurting wives. 
Why is a man going to step into the waters of adultery and once in, stop at kissing? 
If you want to see your husband healed, don't be naive, and be willing to ask the hard questions and give him a safe place to be honest.

Anger - Yep, it's almost always there. Sometimes it's passive aggressive, but it's there.

Manipulation - It comes in many forms.

Blaming - Your husband's choice for sexual sin is NOT YOUR FAULT!

Reason that out with me...

If he was exposed to pornography and sexual sin prior to meeting you, how is it your fault if he has chosen to continue in it? Don't accept the blame for his sin.

Again, I want to use a personal example. When my pastor uses personal stories to illustrate his messages, I always "get" them.

Before I was a Believer, I cursed like a sailor. I'm not kidding you when I tell you I could cuss in full paragraphs without taking a breath. Cursing wasn't considered a sin in my home growing up...I never heard an apology for the filth that was spewed at any given moment. Cursing was just how anger was to be handled.

I'd love to tell you (OH, how I'd love to tell you!) that the moment I was saved Jesus took away any desire to ever curse in anger again. He took SO much away the instant I was saved, but not cussing. 

I have to daily depend upon Christ, daily turn to Him when I'm angry and beg for His help not to fling out a doozie.

Let me be clear on this... I HATE THIS SIN!!! I HATE IT!

Yet I have to BATTLE it, and I don't always win...because sometimes I choose to walk in my flesh instead of by the Spirit.

Ugh. Just sharing that with you makes me want to PUKE!

So with that information, let's go back to your husband.

He's in a battle. 

What would you be doing for him if he had signed up to serve our country on the front lines?

Wouldn't you be PRAYING for him?
Wouldn't you STAND IN THE GAP while he was away serving?
Wouldn't you BEG GOD to give him victory, to protect him, to keep him safe?

Ladies, please do that for your husband if he is in the spiritual battle against sexual sin.

I promise you, a plan won't fix him. 
A 12 step program won't give him freedom. 
And, I hope you take great comfort in this truth....YOU CAN'T FIX HIM, either!

Sexual sin requires heart surgery for the Christian man, and a heart transplant for the man who isn't in Christ. (He needs a NEW heart...the one promised to us through the New Covenant.)

Please, I beg of you...

Don't punish him. Set boundaries that are healthy and God honoring, but don't become his judge.

Be wise in whom you seek counsel from. "Christian" counselors who never open the Bible are a dime a dozen, and you'll find someone at every turn who will tell you to pack up and leave him.

Realize that if 100% of men have been exposed to pornography at some point in their lives, leaving your current husband in hope of a better draw next time isn't always the answer.

That being said, there are many who will tell you that because he hasn't committed physical adultery, you have no Biblical right to divorce. I couldn't disagree more. (See Matthew 5) 

But, as Christians we don't live by our rights...we live by that which gives the most glory to God. Is God going to be more glorified if you stay and forgive, and fight, and beg The Lord to give you a testimony out of your heartache that will help other families heal and stay together, or is He going to be more glorified if you pack and leave?

STAND in the TRUTH that The Lord wants your husband, you, your marriage, and your family spiritually healed. 

My hope and prayer is that this will happen for you WHILE you're still married, but if your husband refuses to bow his knee before the King of Kings and he chooses his sin over Christ, you have to KNOW that God is sovereign even over that. He will comfort, protect, and guide you should you find yourself a widow to sexual sin. 

He will also give you a testimony out of your heartache that He will use to minister to other women.


Much love to you,

Friday, June 06, 2014

Please Don't Try To Emasculate My Men...And Ladies, Don't Allow Women to Do It To Yours!

It happens daily.

The emasculation of American men by women.

Some women do it to their own men.

Some are brazen enough to try it with men who belong to other women.

I'm going to climb up on my soap box for a minute. It won't be long, but I do hope it will get the point across.

I am (gleefully!) a woman under submission

I am crazy, madly in love with my husband. I consider the privilege of submitting to him as my leader one of God's greatest gifts in my life.

Submission in the Greek is a military term which simply means to place oneself under one's rightful authority.

Is my husband my authority?

You can BET YOUR BIPPY he is! 

Scripture tells me that when I submit to him, I'm doing it as unto the Lord Himself.

Here's where the real beauty comes in, husband loves me in a way that I truly never knew ANYONE ever could, or would love me.

He loves me to a degree that I never dreamt I would be worthy of.

He serves me in love. 
He speaks to me in love. 
He considers me in love.

He treats me as the weaker vessel, in love.

He is also AMAZING at helping me set healthy boundaries for myself, and sometimes he just SETS THEM FOR ME!

So when my husband sets a boundary for me, his wife...within his rightful role as the head of his household and another woman tries to blow right through it...we have an issue.


And if your husband sets a boundary for you and another woman completely dismisses it, you should see that as a big issue too...and defer always to your husband's leadership.

When my husband, who leads an entire office of brilliant men and one very amazing woman, is treated by any other woman within MY sphere of contacts like he needs to bow and beg their permission...we have on our hands a MAJOR PROBLEM!

Ladies, please...hear my heart. 

DO NOT stand for another woman handing your husband his manhood on their clipboard!

If you find yourself in a group where the men have been relegated to floor sweeps and are not welcomed as respected contributing members, run for the door!

That is not a group that is set up according to Biblical principles. 


And unfortunately this mindset can be rampant in the homeschooling world.

Before I step down from my soap box, I have to add one more thing.

We emasculate our YOUNG men in this country every single time that we treat a teenager like he's a boy and not a young man.

Our son will be 14 soon. He's not a boy anymore. He's a man!

If we were Israelis, he'd be just 2 years away from being conscripted into the army.

By the time he was a teenager, Brother Andrew was sneaking around his town filling Nazi gas tanks with sugar in order to protect his village from their impending infiltration.

Benjamin Franklin was an apprentice learning a trade by the time he was 12.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was being trained by his father to not just rattle his lips at the dinner table, but to fully develop his thoughts before he allowed them to escape his mouth. Is it any wonder that            at age 28 he was equipped to break away from the Reich Church to start the Confessing Church in Germany and parts of Europe?! 

And he did so against the advice of several of his mentors, because he could discern the situation of the day and KNEW what action was needed.

He knew that any church that denied the Jewish people, ceased to be a church.

Praise GOD that his father hadn't waited until he was 20 to train him to be, and treat him as a man!

I'm SICK of the mentality in our country that believes that our 13 year old sons are still children.

They're NOT!

Or at least, they're not supposed to be.

Did you know that Daniel was 15 when he was taken into captivity in Babylon? Remember him...he stood for truth and righteousness among pagans...and I've heard the silly argument that says he was schooled in all the ways of the Babylonians, therefore he was mature and wise.

That's garbage!

He had FIFTEEN YEARS of training in the Law of the LORD!

And Daniel 1:17 makes it clear that God gave Daniel and his three friends "...knowledge and intelligence in every branch of literature and wisdom..."

Daniel 1:4 has a time reference that is key. It lets us know that these young men showed intelligence in every branch of wisdom, were endowed with understanding and discerning of knowledge, and had ability for serving in the king's court...AND THEN they were taught the literature and language of the Chaldeans.

See, their training in truth and wisdom came from God's Word, which they'd had poured into them for 15 years! It DID NOT come from the Babylonians!

Job 28:28 tells us that God Himself said "...the fear of the LORD is widsom, and to depart from evil is understanding."

It was God's WORD that grew Daniel into the MAN that he was at 15! 

Do I want my son to have fun and enjoy the next years while he's still under our roof?

Without a doubt, I do!

But I'll tell you this...our amazing young man would lay his life down in a hot minute for me or his sister. He wouldn't come running up to me in fear, hiding behind me trying to figure out what to do if danger threatened.

He would do what a MAN would do!
He would defend! 
He would fight to protect us! 

And when the lies of the world come hurling at him, he stands for TRUTH!

He's not afraid to call sin, sin.

He is compassionate, and gracious, but he is very black and white about what is Godly and was is not, and I love that about him. 

Is he perfect?

No. He comes from two very imperfect parents, so I suppose imperfection is in his genes.

Is he manly? 


Is he still learning?

No doubt.

Does he make his Momma and Dad so very proud to call him ours?

With all of our hearts.

We dearly love our young MAN!

Ladies, I pray this post will be a beacon call to all of us.

NO woman should ever have the right to emasculate our husbands or our sons. None!

And we better make sure we don't ever do it ourselves.

Let's let our speech and actions toward our husbands be edifying, encouraging, respectful, appreciative, and God honoring.

Come to think of it, let's apply the same toward our young MEN.

Much love to you tonight,

It seems like yesterday that Caedmon was the little baby on the he's 5'9" and solid muscle!
Caedmon's Godly example, my beloved husband. 

Caedmon at TeenPact Tennessee in February.

I'm proud to say that he wrote a resolution in favor of Medical Marijuana, and it passed 8-5. 

OK, so in truth....I was pretty much in shock when he told me what his resolution was, but truly was impressed with the research he used and argued in front of an ultra conservative group...well enough so that his resolution was passed!

Now we just need to send him before the TN State Legislature to speak on the topic! :)