Friday, January 08, 2010

When Was The Last Time?

I really am going to be quick tonight.

I just wanted to pop in and ask you a few questions, while we're on this roll of marriage posts...

When is the last time that you asked your husband to flex for you?

I'm being dead serious!

Do you do that?

Ever ask him to flex his muscles for you?

Ever compliment him on his legs?

Ever tell him what a brilliant brick layer/engineer/ditch digger/pastor he is?

When is the last time that you told him how thankful you are for the father that he is?

Ever share with him how much you love his butt tush?

When is the last time that you asked him to make love to you, after telling him that you just couldn't stand 
one more minute without being close to him?

Ever call him at work and tell him what your "plans" are for him when you get him home?

If you're blushing, or balking, I'd challenge you with this.... 

Don't you love it when he says these things to you?!

Remember how it was when you were young and in love?

Is it still that way?

If Janan said...let it begin with you.

MMM....we gotta feed these marriages of ours, and cherish them like the precious gifts from God that they are!

We have an adversary, ladies....and we're foolish if we forget that! He's an enemy...and he desires to rip our families apart....

Are we going to just hand them over on a silver platter, or are we going to fight to the death for them?

If you can't fight for your own anymore, then share your heart in an email to me, and let me fight for you in prayer...

Allow me to share your story (but change your name) here on the blog, and you'll quickly have a whole host of women fighting for you in prayer!

I've been totally amazed by how many people have responded to the past few posts on marriage, both to the posts themselves and to their subsequent comments. Most of those responses have been in the form of phone calls or private emails...thus my promise that if you do decide to ask for prayer, your name will not be shared.

Marriage in this country is under full-on attack. We gotta get into the bunkers with each other, ladies!

I'm not spell checking or proof-reading tonight, as my head feels like it's going to I'm off to bed.

But, I do seriously love ya'll tonight!


Cathy Hudler said...

Need a little help on how to reach your husband?
Try the book: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
It is a good investment and will help you learn a little about your spouse that you may have never guessed.

Renae said...

Got this advice years ago and saw it somewhere again recently:

The only difference between marital and martial is where you put the “I”

Lindsay Riggs said...

Your thoughts reminded me of a quite from one of our church leaders:

“Often we assume that [the people around us] must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. . . . We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.” -Thomas Monson

Good reminder!

chandy said...

Love this Jes!

Have you read Sheet Music by Kevin Leman? Such a great book... It makes me so sad to hear wives grumbling about their husbands instead of adoring them.

It can be so easy to fuel a passionate takes 2 seconds to send your spouse a 'suggestive' text message, and I guarantee it will brighten his work day like nothing else ;)

(Also, I got the comment you left on my have nothing you need to apologize for! I was just being much too whiney... In fact, I want to thank you for your prayers! I felt them, and they helped :) Tell me when you want me to pick you up for a pretzel my friend!)

Anonymous said...

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Laura said...

ahem, you already know my answers to this... I'm getting somewhat of a "reputation" in my circle of friends. ;)

One thing I would like to add to your list is the addition of prayer to God for the DESIRE to be intimate with our husbands.

Long ago (and yes, I mean LONG ago... we're going on 19 years of marriage here) I read a book called Intimate Issues. It was life changing. Not just marriage changing, but as Christian women know, we were created because it was not good for man to be alone (women I think can do it, but not men... sorry, I digress...) and this book changed MY life most of all.

I learned many ways to change my attitude toward my husband and my role as his helper, but one of the biggest keys was learning to ask God to change my heart about sexual desire for my husband.

I now have a heart full of desire for my love and it's apparent to him. It has also improved our parenting as as well. Our feel accepted and stable because mommy and daddy show love and acceptance for each other. Believe me, we're discrete about sex around our children, but the intimacy we have as husband and wife makes us comfortable with each other and thus everything we have to face together we can do as a team.

So I would recommend Intimate Issues, but above the book I call women to pray for God to change their hearts to see their husband as God sees him... and allow God to give them His eyes to behold the wonderful gift we have.

Jes said...

This came to me from a precious online friend that I've made through my blog. I love you, girl!

I have to post this as 2 comments, because it goes over the character be sure to read #2 also...she's asking us for prayer and suggestions.

Here are her words:

I am here this morning sick since Wed (not serious) but a very heavy sinus head. It’s Sunday my husband and son have gone to church. I sit here by myself (I like times like this) and, just a bit ago I headed for WILFTWT blog, that I frequent many times. Hit me square into an area in which I have had much heightened heartache over lately.

I really don’t know how much to say, but I in my much younger promiscuous years, looking for loving in ALL to wrong places and for the wrong reasons. Led me to things/places that I would rather not speak about here.

I always think if I only knew, and that is true but I didn’t and I am not sure that I would have wanted it to be different, I am not sure that I would have reached out to God in the way that I have, if I hadn’t gone through the things I did.

Fast forward to marriage, actually before marriage and my now husband wanted well “you know what”. MY HEART must have known he was the one and I didn’t want it to be the same as before. I wanted to say NO, my heart was begging NO, because of what I had been through I didn’t want him to want me for that reason. Oh, how my heart wanted to wait, but I was too afraid, scared, not confident,
--not sure the word--enough to say no! Our backgrounds were recipe’s for disaster to marriage--God did change me/us and drew me close to him through His Word by all the struggles that I/we faced, for which today I am very thankful. We still have some difficulties but nothing like before.

Lately, he has ask me how come I don’t enjoy M L, I enjoy it, but don’t ENJOY it and how come I am not more proactive, I would say in ways (and some more) like you have described Jes in your blog post.

This is how I see my struggle, I know that I am not right in this, but I do hope to overcome. Maybe just by the encouragement you & Janan have given, and the Holy Spirit’s help, I can make that change that needs to be made. I don’t have to answer for anyone but myself and I do want to glorify God.

First, I am certain I have a bearing on the atmosphere, BUT…

Jes said...

Part two of my friend shares her heart...

When we were dating we did fun things, not lots of things, but we did do things together that were fun. We got married (26 years ago) and almost immediately my husband became a workaholic, so very absent and my heart hurt so badly.

A few years back my husband told our younger son, after he had left home, that He was so sorry that he was not there when he was growing up, and ask him to forgive him for it. I thought then he really realized what (maybe he still doesn’t), and some time went by and he was still doing exactly the same thing to me (us, 26 year old disable sweet guy still at home).

I have ask quite a few times over the years for us to do something that would tie us emotionally, devotional on marriage together, he won’t, or each do some devotional separate at the same time, something, nope. We are married, sleep, eat, go to church, go out to eat and basically watch TV together.

My spark has dwindled I do not want another husband, I love him, but I don’t really have any whatever anymore. What it boils down to is he really doesn’t let me in emotionally and I believe it is because he has been hurt so badly in the past. It does not look like it is something that he will get over. So I feel left to give, too, well just give and it makes me feel like…well. Do you get the idea; it’s not the truth we’re married. I know this is mostly my problem and I do believe it can be overcome, but I am not there yet.

Yet, I have seen God work in ways I could have NEVER imagined, and I know he will make a way here and when He does it will be good; it’s just a big hurdle for me to get over right now.

I can’t wait till I get to the other side of this issue, a big one for me. By the way, I am thankful that this topic has come up; I trust it all to God’s perfect timing.

I am open to comments and trust God will make the way once again, this time in this particular area. Please send any comments too personal through to Jes.

Thanks Jes!