I had a night to myself tonight for the first time in a really long time. I'd been to see a rheumatologist and Shane was gracious enough to give me all the time I wanted after the appointment was over.
To use however I saw fit. :)
Good man! I have a very good man! (Thank you Lord Jesus!)
I know you'll ask, so I'll tell you...the Doctor's appt. was a real let down. Still no real concrete answers. His first words to me were something along the lines of,"Wow. You really need to see a Neurologist for this." UGH!
So...I leave the office, and all I can think is "FOOD! I NEED FOOD!" I was all the way in Glendale, and although I thought about calling my friend Davina to see if she wanted to have dinner on the fly, I really just needed some time all by myself. (Plus, she would have still been in the car traveling home from work...and she's been feeling yucky (please pray for her!)...so I figure she'll give me a "bye" in grace.) :)
I pulled into "On the Border" and snuggled into a warm booth and had a DE-LIC-IOUS burrito filled with fresh veggies and avocado .... mmmmm....and I enjoyed just sitting and reading through some chapters in Romans. (If you don't have the Bible on your Palm/Blackberry...it's easy to get...just go to OliveTree.com . Mine even links with the Strongs definitions in Hebrew and Greek. (Does Greek rhyme with Geek? 'Cuz if so, I guess I've officially made it!)
After resting through my dinner, I found the energy to do about 1/8 of what I had planned to do. (I will be so HAPPY if I'm ever myself again!)
But,to top of my list was a trip to a thrift store. I am such a tightie...if I can find it on the cheap, that's where I'm going to be found...digging through other peoples' clothes and books and vacuum cleaners ( I desperately need a vacuum cleaner!).
Tonight's mission included:
Jeans for me - Yippie! Everything in my wardrobe is getting too BIG!
Khaki kick about pants for me.
Slacks for Shane for work - I'm looking for Wool Gab...mmm, love that stuff on him!
Games for the kids for Christmas.
Computer games for kids - they don't know it, but they're getting a used computer from Shane's company. They'll be so excited! And I will be too! (Homeschooling is about to take on a new dimension!)
HOWEVER....I am completely incapable of going into a thrift shop and spending any less than 1/2 hour in the books section. I love books...I love reading...I love that my son now loves reading and that my daughter is chomping at the bit to really be flying with reading too!
Yet, tonight, before I even thought to go to the books section, and as I was walking through the store I stopped to pray. It went something like this:
"Lord. You know my heart. You know I'm not in here just to buy a bunch of junk we don't need and won't use. Lord, I want to be wise in my purchases. Would you please guide me in wisdom in here? And Lord, I don't even know for sure what I need the most...and I'm tired, Lord...so I don't have much in me right now...Lord, would you please point me to what is here that I'll be able to use for my family...oh and Lord, I'd love to have some really good books. I pray this according to Your will, Lord...and in the name of Jesus."
I'm almost certain that by now you are thinking I've flipped out. I mean, who prays in the Savers store?!
Yes, I found a pair of IZOD jeans...cute ones! $7.99
I found some jeans for Brennan too $3.99
And some Gap cords for Caedmon $3.99
I found a few Christmas presents for my family, but gotta keep those hush-hush. :)
But, here is where I was floored by my Lord. Hey! That ryhmes!
As I turned a corner in the book section, I quickly realized that they had these books sorted by category, and I was smack dab in the center of my favorite one...books about the Bible!
I found an awesome book by George Barna about the importance that children must hold in the body of a healthy church. Whew! Can't wait to read it!
But here was the one that I was really excited about...I found a book by the late Ray Stedman, a respected teacher of God's Word. I was so excited to find it, and I liked the title "Let God be God" .
That was all I needed...Ray Stedman letting God be God..I'm set.
Book in cart...check.
Book paid for...check.
Book made it home...check.
Here's where the amazing "coincidence" comes in...as I was telling Shane about the book, I told him that the subtitle is "life-changing truths from the book of Job".
Wow! Goose-bumps all over kind of wow.
You see, I've been in such a hard place spiritually lately. I'm reading the Word.
I'm praying.
I'm trying to remember to praise the Lord even in the midst of the storm...but still, it's been such a hard and painful time that seems to have no real answers for "why?"
Is it Spiritual Warfare, Lord? If so, help me to recognize it as such so that I can stand firm in You.
Is it just that I'm not pushing myself hard enough?
Is there sin in my life that I'm not seeing, Lord? Please...convict me of it..stick it right up my nose if you have to, Lord!
And then the really hard questions that assail me...
"Lord, are you pleased with me at all?"
"Father, have I failed you?"
"God, will I ever be my old self again?"
"God, what does everyone think of me?" (UGH!)
"God, what is my response supposed to be right now? How do I dig out of this?"
When I bought the book, I didn't care what it was about,I was just drawn by the title and the author, so I didn't see that it was a study on the book of Job.
Once home, I thought to look also at when it was published. You see, Ray Stedman has been dead since 1992.
So I flipped to the first page to see...published in 2007 by Elaine Stedman.
Goosebumps again...here God had answered my silly prayer by pointing me right to a book that I've no doubt is going to answer some of my deepest heart cries in the coming days and weeks...and although it was written over 16 years ago, it was only published last year.
I'm going to get to "sit at the feet" of a faithful saint who knew God's Word and taught it in Spirit and in Truth...and I'm going to hopefully learn what God has for me from the very book that has been pressed on my heart for weeks...."Job".
I am ever amazed at how deeply my Father loves me, and at how He provides for me just what I need, at the moment that I need it.
"I love you, Father. Thank you for the sweet kiss of love tonight."
Your loving daughter,
Jes
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